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Bill Cipher VS Thanos
Description Two evil gods of destruction battle it out! Intro Wiz: Gods of thunder, lighting, air, earth, fire, water but the best god of all, time and space. Boomstick: But these gods are just pure evil. Like these guys for example. Wiz: Bill Cipher, the monstrous dream demon of Gravity Falls. Boomstick: And Thanos, the ruler of the galaxy. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyse their weaponry, armour and skill to find out who win a Death Battle! Bill Cipher Wiz: Gravity Falls is a seemingly ordinary town in the Pacific northwest United States, and is home to a diverse community of humans and diabolical monsters. Boomstick: But somehow, in a town full of sea monsters, lumberjack ghosts and talking golf balls, no creature is more powerful than the dapper Dorito, Bill Cipher. Wiz: After coming into being one trillion years ago, Bill Cipher was forced to reside in the second dimension until he gained enough power to destroy it. By burning everything within said dimension, including his own parents, Bill liberated himself from a "flat world of flat minds and flat dreams." However, Bill needed a world to call his own. Luckily for him, after the second dimension experienced its fiery cataclysm, a new world was formed: a hideous, fiendish land known as the Nightmare Realm. Boomstick: When Bill discovered that the Nightmare Realm was another dimension of oppresed creatures, he decided he need to free his new friends. However, he actually enjoyed this world, and decided that burning it into oblivion probably wasn't the greatest idea in the universe. Wiz: Bill decided to embark on a transdimensional journey and find creatures foolish enough to aid him in finding his nightmare companions a new home. He traveled to Earth, specifically Oregon, to find the genius Stanford Pines and trick him into building a portal to free his comrades. Bill is a master manipulator, and was able to offer Stanford a pleasing deal to dupe him into completing the gateway. However, Ford's project partner, Fiddleford McGucket, gazed into the portal and saved his friend from making a mistake that could have led to the end of the third dimension. Boomstick: In the end, Bill's achievement of freedom led to the most prominent of his several weaknesses: it takes a lot of circumstances for him to achieve full power in our dimension. Wiz: As much power as Stanford Pines would lead you to believe Bill possesses, he cannot create chaos in our dimension unless two events occur: either he possesses the mind of a human being, or the gate between dimensions is cracked open. In human form, however, he is not as powerful as he is in his true form, and sometimes he has to utilize the former power to achieve the latter event. Boomstick: But if someone like Mabel Pines is stupid enough to open that portal, Bill is nearly unbeatable. He utilizes telekinesis and pyrokinesis. He can launch lasers, shapeshift, and even has mind-reading powers, as well as precognition of events. Bill: I know lots of things! Lots of things. Wiz: After defeating Time Baby with a single energy blast, Bill also controls time itself. Bill is also completely intangible on a physical plane. Only in the mindscape has he ever been defeated. Boomstick: And while all these powers may make him seem undefeatable, he was tricked into his demise by a pair of senior citizens. Wiz: This is true. When world conquest is at hand, Bill develops another obvious weakness: his arrogance begins to come forth, and he doesn't evaluate every potential situation. When Stanley and Stanford were able to outsmart him, it was because Stanley had the ability to perfectly impersonate his brother, and Bill didn't see the possibility that he was being tricked. Boomstick: And while Bill can't be hurt on a physical plane, and even relishes in pain when in a human body... Bill: Pain is hilarious! Boomstick: ...he has been shown to have a weakness to interdimensional wesponry. Wiz: The most notable example is the Zodiac, a drawing and formula developed by Stanford Pines that utilizes magic to cast Bill back into his dimension. However, it requires the union of ten specific Gravity Falls citizens. One is better off using weapons such as the memory gun or quantum destabilizer to eliminate Bill. Boomstick: Which certainly isn't an easy task. However, if Bill becomes distracted by the prospect of universal domination, you'd better get your hands on one of Ford's special guns. Wiz: But if you're not accompanied by the massive IQ of Stanford Pines, you're almost certain to be destroyed... or at least turned to stone. In any case, Bill Cipher has no remorse for any being except for his nightmare friends, and is willing to go to any extreme to rule the universe. Bill: For one trillion years I've been trapped in my own decaying dimension, waiting for a new universe to call my own. Name's Bill! But you can call me your new lord and master for all of eternity! Thanos Wiz: Over a million years ago, when mankind's evolution first broke away from the apes, the cosmic Celestials arrived on Earth. They experimented on the human race, creating three separate variants: The powerful and beautiful Eternals, destined for immortality, those with a latent mutated gene, which would one day spawn the X-Men, and a deformed, disturbing sub-species known as the Deviants. Boomstick: Like that one website with all the porn! Wiz: What? Boomstick: Anyway, the Eternals eventually colonized the moons of Saturn, thanks to this science wizard named Mentor, who's collar's like the lampshade I put on my dog to make him stop lickin' his junk. Wiz: Charming. But while the Eternals seemed like a perfect people, Mentor's own son would change this forever, and force the cosmos to it's knees. His name was Thanos. Thanos: You were a fool to betray me, Ronan. Prepare to meet your doom. Boomstick: Thanos was born into a life of luxury. Sure, his mom went totally insane and tried to kill him right away, but what do you think you'd do if you popped out a creepy California Raisin baby? Wiz: It seems the Celestials’ experiments weren't quite so different from each other. Despite his Eternal heritage, Thanos' large, disproportionate body and thick purple skin were thanks to a Deviant mutation. Boomstick: Which you'd think would mean everyone would hate him, but nope. The Eternals were super progressive and totally cool with a wrinkly Grimace walking around. Wiz: In fact, Thanos was greatly admired for his exceptional intelligence and creativity. He was set for a positive and decorated future. Boomstick: Until he threw it all away for a girl. Hey, I don't blame him. Lots of guys do crazy shit for hot chicks, especially when you're a secret, murder-happy psycho who's obsessed with the physical manifestation of death. Popup: Thanos' desire to extinguish all life to curb overpopulation is a unique invention of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. In the comics, it is a task assigned by Lady Death. Wiz: To earn Death's reciprocal love, Thanos took a journey, a quest, to ravage the universe in her name. Boomstick: And as an Eternal, he had plenty of superhuman power to do it. He was already the strongest and fastest Eternal around, but he boosted his power even more with bionic and magic enhancements. Wiz: And while his physical and psionic abilities are impressive, his incredible genius led to building massive spaceships, shields that can withstand planet-level attacks, and even a time window. Boomstick: And the most badass throne ever. It comes packed with it's own laser weapons, light speed travel, and it can teleport through space and time. Wiz: And unlike most Eternals, Thanos has also dabbled in the Mystic Arts: Petrification, Curses, even some of his throne's abilities seem to be more magic than hard science. All of his potential makes Thanos an incredibly dangerous foe. Boomstick: Yeah, good luck trying to hurt him. He can survive pretty much anything, including a gun specifically designed to kill him. Even shot himself in the face with it just to prove how goddamn awesome he is. D-Don't try that at home, kids. Wiz: He’s strong enough to overpower two Thor's at once, snap a universal weapon known for its extreme durability, and even lift the gargantuan Galactus Engine. Boomstick: A giant super rocket big enough to move planets. According to Mr. Fantastic, and that guy knows his stuff, this thing is hundreds of miles long. Wiz: While the Galactus Engine's size seems to vary from comic to comic, Reed's assertion matches its appearance when it propelled Ego the Living Planet. By examining the engine in three separate parts, applying the density of steel, and comparing Ego's diameter of 4,165 miles, we found that Thanos must be lifting about 50 quintillion tons. That's like holding up 140 trillion Empire State Buildings. Popup: He has stood toe-to-toe with cosmic beings like Galactus and Odin, though without the Infinity Gauntlet he has difficulty against their full power. (Camera cuts to Wiz and Boomstick.) Boomstick: And he's doin' this inside the gut of a living Kurt Russell planet that eats other planets and even stars. Man, I thought I had an iron stomach. Wiz: But destroying a star isn't a simple thing. Any energy directed toward a star would just be absorbed and adapted to. Only by completely nullifying a star's constant energy output can it be eliminated. Boomstick: So Ego's stomach acid must be deadlier than fricking supernovas or a black hole. He'd probably love Mama Boomstick's world famous ghost pepper pie. (He holds up a picture of what looks like an elderly female Boomstick with stubble, holding a flaming pie.) Wiz: Ugh. Boomstick: It's fine, just dip it in some squirrel paste. Wiz: Surviving the stomach of Ego isn't so far-fetched for Thanos, considering he's also survived a dip in a black hole, extreme reality warping across the Metaverse, and the voice of Black Bolt. Popup: The black hole Thanos survived had an event horizon of two light years before collapsing on him. This would release it's total mass energy, a total of 274 septillion tons of TNT. That's enough to destroy a galaxy! Boomstick: What's so special about this guy, you ask? Well, with just a whisper, he obliterated one billion tons of rock. This guy can easily break a planet with just one shout, and Thanos took three of 'em to the face. Wiz: Although Thanos isn't known for being a speedster character, he's still quick enough to battle the likes of Silver Surfer, a being who can cover 500,000 light years in just a couple of seconds, putting him over three trillion times faster than light. With so many impressive showings, it's hard to truly find a weakness. (Just then, Deadpool appears on screen) Deadpool: (sing song) Except for one! Boomstick: Oh, goddamn it! Deadpool: Thank you, thank you, glad to be here. It's me, Deadpool, Slayer of Deathstroke's, befriender of Ponies, and breaker of Mad Titan hearts. Unlike Casanova, the ravenous reaper can't get enough of me, and Thanos just hates that! Wiz: Well, Thanos did curse him so he couldn't die and be with her. Deadpool: I know, right? He‘s a big purple crybaby. Have you seen that chin, though? It's like he got hit in the face with a Slap Chop. Boomstick: Don't you have, like, a party in Pony Town to be at? Deadpool: Aw come on, buddy, you can't have a Death Battle season without Deadpool, right? Wiz: We did, the last one. Deadpool: Oh, nobody counts that one. I mean, that's the year you pit a dog in a trench coat against a goddamn bear. (chuckling) What did you think would happen? Boomstick: (chuckles) Yeah. Deadpool: Whatever. I know when I'm not wanted. See you next year. DP out! Wiz: Ugh, good riddance. Boomstick: Even with all of these powers and abilities, Thanos still felt he needed something more to impress Death. Think he's compensatin' for somethin', Wiz? Wiz: Oh, absolutely, so he built the Infinity Gauntlet, a golden glove which harnessed the power of six multi-colored gems known as Infinity Stones. With these, he could control the full spectrum of space, reality, mind, power, soul, and time. Boomstick: And with those powers combined, he summons Captain Planet! Wiz: Well, more like the destruction of half the universe, but sure, whatever. Bucky: Steve? (Captain America watches as Bucky collapses, turning to dust) Boomstick: Eh, same difference. But wait, isn't the Time Stone the green one in Doctor Strange's necklace? Wiz: Well, in the movie universe, the Time Stone is green, but in the original comics series, it's orange. This is because every universe has it's own unique Infinity Gauntlet that works exclusively there, and sometimes the stones are different in color. Here, just follow this handy diagram I made. Popup: Recently, the Earth-616 universe was destroyed and restored. The Infinity Gems were recreated as Infinity Stones, with their colors matching their cinematic universe counterparts. This happened once before, as they were all originally known as Soul Gems. Boomstick: Yeah, don't care. So with all the stones, he wiped out half the universe with only a snap of his fingers. But he also started going a bit crazy and began to doubt his ability to perform. Hey, happens to the best of us. Wiz: Yet it never keeps the Mad Titan at bay for long, whose constant lust for power and godly status in the universe is only matched by his drive to just... kill everybody. Thanos: Dread it, run from it, destiny arrives all the same. And now it’s here, or should I say... I am. Pre Battle Bill and Thanos are set.png Wiz: All right! The combatants are set and we've run through the data of all possi''bill''ities! Boomstick: Ok. That was just terrible, Wiz. Wiz: At least it was better than your puns. Boomstick: Whatever. But right now, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!! DEATH BATTLE! (Cue- Universal Gods) Bill is flying in the galaxy and sees Thanos. Bill: Well, well, well. You must be the infamous Thanos. Thanos turns around and sees Bill. Thanos: Bill Cipher, if there's one person who will rule the galaxy, that someone will be me. Bill: Let's see about that. Bill Cipher vs Thanos FIGHT!.png KO! Results Wiz: The winner is If the Battle had a music track DEATH BATTTLE! Fan Made Soundtrack.png The fan made soundtrack for the battle is called Universal Gods. If this was a real episode of Death Battle with this soundtrack, it would be made by Therewolf Media. Category:AGOODPERSON75